Eating is a sensory-rich experience full of taste, textures, smells, and even sounds! This experience requires nurturing so that our little eaters can continue to be inspired and engaged at mealtimes. At some point in our littles eating journey, we shift from being impressed by their eating skills when they learn to pick up a tiny pea or devour an entire plate of spaghetti, to having an expectation of them at mealtimes. This expectation drives the language we use at the table.
It is 6pm and the kids are starving. You are rushing to get a balanced meal put together at the end of a long day for the family. Then it happens. The meltdown that turns the gorgeous plate you put in front of them into a dreadful experience.
“I don’t want sweet potatoes!”
“This looks yucky!”
You feel overwhelmed by their disgust and blurt out a phrase that feels appropriate in the moment.
“Since when do you not like sweet potatoes, you just ate them a few weeks ago?”
“You can’t say something is yucky if you haven’t even tried it.”
These interactions you have with your child about their eating while they are eating is called Table Talk.
Typical table talk language has become so normalized, that we don’t realize how ineffective it is in accomplishing our overarching goal which is to raise intuitive and self-driven eaters.
Table talk should invite your child into their eating experience rather than trying to control their eating experience. Just like when your child goes to baseball practice or dance class, they are being coached to succeed in that sport. How you coach your child's eating experience will contribute to your child’s relationship with food and is key to ending mealtime struggles.
Step 1: Identify Your Typical Table Talk
We all have a table talk style we use. Maybe you just didn’t realize there was a name for it.
Instructive Table Talk: Command language, “Chew with your mouth closed” “Use your fork” “Sit down”
Corrective Table Talk: Implying a child’s way of eating is wrong or different from your expectations. “Don’t use your hands!” “Stop blowing bubbles in your milk” “Don’t eat in the living room!”
Praise Table Talk: Commending things you like about your child’s eating. “What a good eater!”
Appreciative Table Talk: Thanking our kid for eating well. “Thank you for at least trying it” “Thank you for using your fork” “Thank you for chewing with your mouth closed”
Conditional Table Talk: If you do this…You can have this. “If you take two more bites of chicken, you can have a cookie” “If you don’t finish all your food, then we won’t watch tv tonight” “Just try it, If you don’t like it then we can have something else”
Obligatory Table Talk: Fact based language coming from a place of necessity, scarcity, or liability.
“Try this, its good for you” or “Other kids wish they had what you were eating” “Mommy worked hard to make this, please don’t waste it”
Expectant Table Talk: Projecting our opinions on our child’s eating experience. “This is so good, I bet you would like it if you just tried it” “I made it just the way you like it!” “The crust is the best part!”
Close-Ended Questions: Questions that prompt one word answers. “Are you going to eat your carrots?” “Did you try the chicken?” “Are you done eating?”
Step 2: Replace Typical Table talk with phrases such as “Tell me about…” and “What do you notice…”
“What do you notice about broccoli?” and “What do you notice about the icecream?”
“Tell me about the chili for you” and “Tell me about French fries for you”
Step 3: Implement Food Origin and Sensory Questions
“What sounds does your cereal make when you are chewing it in your mouth?” “What flavors are you experiencing?”
“What would help your cucumbers taste better?”
“I wonder how the beans would feel being squished between your fingers?”
“I wonder where avocados grow?”
“How do you think a dinosaur would eat these eggs?”
These questions help your eater become curious about their food and inspire them to engage in their eating experience by observing, processing, and honoring what is happening in their body and on their plates.
Give these new table talk phrases a try and see how your eater lights up with excitement to talk about the experience they are having. If you feel you need more help adopting this language, schedule a session!
Adapted from End the Mealtime Meltdown: Using the Table Talk Method to Free Your Family from Daily Struggles over Food and Picky Eating by Stephanie Myers
Blog post by Nanci Dillow, BS, MS (Dietetic Intern)
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